FAITH

I had a pretty decent eating day today. I just had dinner and everything was delish! I have to say not every choice was the best at dinner but I am trying to concentrate more on portion control. This is what helped me in the past when I did weight watchers. I never made it to the end but that is what always helped me lose was the portion control part of it. I drank a lot of water but I don't think enough. I will drink some more before bed. I walked tonight but not my full walk. Something got in the way. That's okay.

I didn't weigh myself last Tuesday. I thought I did. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning as it will be one week trying to live more healthy. Some bloggers have these really cool weight stats on the side of the blogs. I wonder where they come from?

I had a nice day today. I notice my inner clock is always running, racing and I SO want to calm it down. I KNOW meditating would help me. Trouble is within seconds I am off on another thought. I know that that is normal and that it takes practice. This is a goal of mine too , to meditate. I will try it again... even if for only 3 minutes or so.

I have something in my life that is NOT easy to break through. It is something that is hurting me and I am having a hard time figuring out the issue. It is something where I feel totally powerless. I have had that feeling about so many things in my life. NOT ANYMORE!! It stinks now though that this one issue which is really close to my heart is just something that weighs heavily on my shoulder. I don't want it to stop my progress. I just wish I had answers.... I will just pray and try to have an open mind. Actually? This is all I can do anyway about it because I am lost...

I took a picture today for myself! I will post it later. I love it :)

Stomach pains , fear and life~

I am going to try and make this short but sweet. Who am I kidding! I can't make anything short & sweet! I went to a bar-b-q yesterday. I have to tell you that I went " over the edge" with my eating and I swear it sent my entire body into a tail spin! I used to smoke 1 to 3 cigarettes a day since I was 16. Now? I can go three , four months with nothing , buy a pack and smoke one a day until it is gone ( lasting about 3 weeks). I can go a full year with nothing. I know, it's strange. Well, my husband went out to the store to buy something. I had a very teeny glass of wine and I asked him to buy me cigarettes! He HATES when I smoke. I thought he never would. Well... he did. I went to hide ( which is what I do when I smoke ) and right away, after being stuffed to the gills and after a cup of coffee, the cigarette and combination of my stomach BLEW UP! I fell asleep in my sister in laws house for an hour or so. This to me is sad. I won't focus so much on how sick I think it really is but more on they why? Why did I do that to myself? Why did I go on the BINGE of a lifetime! Was it fear? Was it feeling much bigger than all of the women at this party which in turn set my insecurity button to " HURT YOURSELF, HURT YOURSELF"? I will try and focus more on seeing what that 'behavior' ( I can't spell that word!) did to me physically. I learned my lesson. For now. Never say never but I am not fond of what happened to my body. It almost SHUT down and said " You need to take care of us or we are leaving you girl! Shutting down shop and making you miserable" which is what happened exactly!

Today is a new day. I had a whole wheat bagel, 2 percent cottage cheese with half a banana and a cup of coffee. I will focus again on being mindful when I eat. I will bring lots of water to the beach to get that in. Although I do not like drinking water I will say that after awhile it makes my body feel better. There is major information, of which I have not read, out there on the importance of water in our bodies!

Mentally I am drained today and I know it's just a matter of changing the frequency and realigning my mind like a good chiropractor would do! I can do this. I can do ANYTHING I set my mind too and so can you. Believe in yourself. I am pushing through the fear. My negative thinking has no power over me :)