I have spent the majority of my life putting myself down and not thinking I was worth very much. It took me a really long time to figure out that that thinking was all nonsense! Now, for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to really becoming the person I want. I have spent years hiding behind the fat, taking pictures from the neck up ( of which you will see ), putting across this strong, tough girl, attitude to cover up what I really thought about myself and I am done with all of that. I am so done I can taste it! Change is good although not that easy. I am sure changing will be easier than the way I was living but non the less it is a little tricky. I just finished reading The Secret. What a great book! I have wanted to read it for a very long time. Took me nearly three years to find a way of getting a hold of one. My change in " spirirt " was happening before this book, trust me. This book helped me look even farther into the truth. The truth is I am capable and able to obtain whatever it is I wish for, I am capable and able of having a beautiful body and I am capable and able of living a happy life. You are too!
I am focusing so much on the word "capable" which may seem strange to most but I spent years thinking that all of the good things in life were for " those people" and not for me. Garbage! Those good things are for all of us. You just have to turn your thinking around.
My dream is when someone goes to take a picture of me? I do not ask them to take it from the chest up, I don't crop the size of my arm out of the picture so much that it looks thinner, I don't turn my leg in so as to fool my mind into thinking my stomach will not show as much. I want to start taking care of my body. I have let it go so badly. I am not here to moan, whine or to complain. I am not here to wallow in self pity. I am here to start a journey to a healthier me. I want to look better and I want to feel better. I can do this!
This picture I am about to post here is awful of me. The sun was blaring in my eyes but I just wanted to post it here as a beginning shot. Those are my arms - dots and all and that is my extra little chin under there....I am big and I don't want to ignore it anymore. I HATE clothes shopping when I ADORE clothing. Does that make sense? I love style, clothing and anything to do with fashion. If I have to go clothes shopping though I tense up and would rather ...well , I won't say it!
I am going to start to try and focus on why I am eating the way I am and maybe this will be a decent place to start. I walked tonight with my kids. What a nice time. We walked for about 40 minutes and we were all super tired but it's a start! I didn't need the ice cream when I came home though. This is not about being fake here. You will hear the truth and maybe relate to it a time or too. Tomorrow I am going to try and drink 3 full glasses of water. Today I drank about 2. I think I will measure myself tomorrow with the help of my little girl. Kind of hard to do by myself. Here is a picture I hope to never take again.....
