I might be starting a Saturday blog here. It seems this is when I can post. Things are about to change again soon in my job. I will admit...I don't like change very much. Change scares me yet I know in my heart that change is what brings reform, change is what brings new life, change is usually for the better.
I am going to return to my old post as a teaching assistant. I was graced with a permanent sub job for three months and I believe, by the grace of GOD, that this will be all the remaining hours I need in order to get my permanent certification. My TA ( teaching assistant )hours did not count. All in all this has been a huge blessing to me. I knew the end would come and now that it is here I am feeling sort of disapointed. I thought that something else would open up or I thought that because another perm. sub, who got a leave replacement, will be out longer that my present "gig" ( this is what we used to call our singing jobs. I was a wedding band singer for years! Did you know that?) could be extended but for logistical reasons that can't happen. I believe that being persistent, good at what you do and honest usually pays off. I don't think I can fix or wriggle my way into this desire this time. My desire to extend my current position...
I have to, I want to , I need to- for my soul BELIEVE that God has another plan for me. Things may not happen the way I want them to but if I hang in there long enough , wait patiently enough without grumbling and not give up when I am tired that his plan will unfold to bigger and brighter things for me. Time. Time is the thing that can make or break me and I have to become it's friend.
I love you. Who am I talking to? Not sure... God, myself...my soul... my life....
I believe today. I believe in the power of goodness even though my heart hurts from certain things. I believe that God, that the universe is on my side. I believe that if I breath calmly, look into my soul for the love and warmth I need, if I speak softer, if I move more , if I pray more, work harder, cherish my children more than in time my dreams will come to pass. I believe today.
I am lonely sometimes. I have such a full life though. I have healthy children in which I am grateful for. I have a home , although smaller than I would like , is pleasing to my eye in spots.Some spots need more love from me and they will get it... in time. There's that word again. TIME. I have many things to be grateful for but I am lonely. I know, or I think I know, what would fill that spot but I have not been willing to make the changes I need. It begins with my weight and ends with my love. Many details in between those two words that I will skip for now.
I love my life. Yes, I can say that even though there are times I feel like jumping out a window..( joke of course- laugh-will ya?!). Thank you to the universe for holding me and thank you to my conscious for allowing me to know right from wrong even when I don't do the right thing....
Bring it on....
